Evil Dead XIII
by EazyHB
Summary: The FFXIII cast meet up with everyone's favorite badass


I made a monster and I wanted to share it

"Why does Hope look like a girl?" Fang asked Lightning out of curiosity

"How am I supposed to know, he's only 14 anyway" Lightning answered still creeping around the woods

"I'm not gonna lie I thought he was cute till I found out he was a he"

"Hey look a cabin" Lightning pointed out, she started to head for it until Fang pulled her back "Are you full white or something, why would you enter a random cabin in the woods? Haven't you seen that movie?"

"Which one Blair Witch Project?"

"No the other one with the Dude and the chainsaws and shit"

"Cocoon chainsaw massacre?"

"No the one with the groovy guy"

"Evil Dead?"

"Yes, exactly, the point is stay the fuck away from Cabins in the woods" Fang said pulling Lightning with her

Soon as Fang turns around she bumps into someones chest and fell back in shock, he had a shotgun in his left hand but a chainsaw for his right hand. He pointed his shotgun straight at lightning with one hand

"Duck honey" He said with arrogance in his voice, she listened and got down. He shot an old lady that looked like she was possessed.

He sternly stared at the lady until he was sure she was dead. He turned his attention back to the two wanderers "The names Ash, Ash Williams" he said as he lifted Fang up off the ground with his left arm

"I'm Fang and this is Lightning we were just looking for animals to hunt for food and you know the rest" She answered still not getting what happened

He stared at her with no emotion for a good ten seconds until a smirk fell on his face "Groovy" he twirled the double barrel and stuffed it down his holster

"I will hunt with you" he said to her not even asking

"You heard the man, lead the way Light" Fang said shoving lightning to proceed

Ash was behind them doing his boss walk still. Fang got closer to lightning and started to whisper "It's fucking Ash Williams, he's my childhood hero. I didn't know he was real"

"And he's cute" she said a little louder than a whisper "but somehow that shotgun just teleports from his hands to his holster out of nowhere"

"I wanna ask him so many questions... Shit" Fang looked down embarrassed

"Need new underwear?" Lightning laughed to herself

"Maybe" Fang said slowing down to talk to her hero "So Ash how true are your movies?"

"Well you can see I have one arm and a shotgun so you can say the movies were real" he said gesturing to his chainsaw. "Wanna feel my guns?" He said flexing his left arm, Fang touched his arm and almost melted

"Fangirl" Lightning shouted as she saw this act of dick sucking. They heard Sazh running toward them from behind "Guys!" He was yelling

"Lightning we need your hel- Is Fang touching Ash's guns?" They all nod "Anyway Vanille and Hope are injured and I don't know to do that healing bullshit so come on"

They ran back to the base where they saw Snow sitting next to the unconscious Vanille and Hope, "They're still brea- is that Ash Williams?" Snow asked mid sentence

"Yes" he said striking a pose and brushing his hair back.

"Is that your... boomstick? Can I... touch it?" He asked forgetting all about the two half dead people on the floor

"Snow! What's wrong with them?" Lightning yelled, Snow snapped back to reality "Oh Hope got knocked the fuck out by his own boomerang and was bleeding all over and Vanille got her fishing hooks stuck on her back and was pulled hard and Ash you are awesome"

Lightning sighed and started the healing process. Ash sat down and so did his new groupies "So... Could you guys stop staring at awesomeness?" He said trying to get them to stop staring

"Could you at least sign my spear?" She said handing him a spear and a marker that came out of know where. He wrote his name on the middle handle of the spear "Ok, here to go sugar"

Snow and Sazh looked at each other, "Could you sign my pistol?" Sazh asked.

"Could you sign my dick?" Snow asked seriously while taking his pants off

Ash blocked his face "Hold up buddy no need to show me that" Ash leaned over to Lightning "So when your done with them could you start with me?" He asked with the best smile ever

"I'll fuck you Ash" snow yelled out before lightning could talk. "Not really right now Ash we just met to and... you kind of scare me"

"Come on, gimme some sugar baby" he said to Lightning. She stared at him and fell into a long passionate kiss with him. Snow took out his camera and took a picture of it "That's going in the stash" he said putting the camera back in his pocket

Hope and Vanille woke up, hope saw Ash looking at him with his double barrel in his hand "Who are you?" Hope asked

Snow slapped the fuck out of hope "How the fuck do you not know Ash Williams" he went into another coma.

Vanille finally noticed Ash "Is that Bruce Cam-" She was interrupted by a punch that was threw by Lightning "Bitch that is motherfuckin Ash"

Ash started too slowly walkout when the awake crew asked 'Why you leaving?"

Ash ran his hand threw the back of his head "Gotta go out, you know. Go places and shoot zombie scum, you guys are kinda weird to"

He left and the crew sat on the floor sad about him leaving. Ash walked into the sunset while 'Don't you forget about me' magically played and the credits rolled

Directed By: EazyHB

Bullshit By: EazyHB

In association with Deez Nuts Productions


End file.
